Monday, April 18, 2011

Spam Filter

Forget how much money I won today. Forget how many lost bank accounts await processing as soon as I turn over my personal bank information.

No, my spam filter today gave me the chance to write a quick blog entry. I know there are two groups of dates waiting to meet me: hot Asians and big and beautiful women.

Next, I was offered many different items for my body. I need new bras, according to one spam-o-gram, followed immediately in the list by a company offering discreet prosthetic boobs. Which was it: new boobs for a non-cancer sufferer or new bras? Make up your mind.

Now, I need to lose weight and there's a spam-o-gram that will help. (I do need the lose some winter weight, but I'll do it my way, thank you very much.)

Don't forget the government loans waiting for me, the new mortgages already pre-appoved (addressed to applcant), and a plea from a friend who was robbed in England just this weekend. Hmm, I had dinner with him on Friday and he didn't say anything about going to England...

I can watch videos on my new satellite TV hook up, if I could only get a direct line of sight to any satellite.

Then there were the spam-o-grams for class action suits against my bad hip replacement (don't have a hip replacement; don't need one); my terrible traffic accident (didn't have one); mesotheoloma (didn't work with asbestos); and for lung cancer because I was a long term smoker (one cigarette at age thirteen does not a long term smoker make).

There were more, but you get the idea. I know if I wanted to weave a short story around a day's worth of spam, no one would believe me.


Becky Mushko said...

I'm disappointed that you didn't mention winning a foreign lottery or getting an inheritance from someone in Africa.

Betsy Ashton said...

I dismissed that in the first paragraph. Besides, I'm waiting for the money to flow in from Nigeria.

Brenda Marroy said...

How about Viagra? And beautiful men right here in my state, and maybe even in my neighborhood.

I loved your post Betsy. We can probably all relate to it.